Story Worth Repeating

The Flame

After my oldest son graduated from high school, he spent five years working for an offshore drilling company. On occasion there would be transportation problems of one kind or another and good old dad would have to drive him to a helicopter pad or a boat dock in southern Louisiana. I especially loved the trips to the boat dock in Cameron. Most of the way we followed the coast line through sparsely populated areas, sometimes blanketed with late night or early morning fog.

The offshore life is quite simple, two weeks on and two weeks off. If I was the planned get-away man, I would usually get a call a couple of days before. If my son was being transported by boat there was always a wait at the dock. Weather conditions made it impossible to pin point his arrival, so reading material was a must.

The weekend before one particular pickup, I had performed a song in church about my daughter going off to college, later mentioning to the music department leader that I would like to record it. The day before my trip to Louisiana he called to talk about getting started on the song. I could not commit to a plan because I felt like I was not ready to put it out there yet. I ended the conversation with "I guess I'm just too much of a perfectionist". What was that? I'm sure he was shocked, I was shocked later as I thought about it. Why was I so timid in taking that step?

I left my home the next morning at 5:00 AM. I was armed with a good book, a notebook and a large coffee mug. I love to drive early in the morning, it's a great time to pray and think, and I had plenty to think about. As I turned south off of I-10 and headed for the coast, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me, "your problem is not perfectionism, it's fear of failure brought on by rejection." I pulled to the side of the road and wrote the words in my notebook immediately. It all made so much sense now, there's no risk if I don't move, if I don't put myself out there. As I returned to the road, I was gripped by what I had heard and I knew that what I was trying to do was not going to be an easy task. Rejection had followed me from my childhood.

As I drove further, pondering this realization, I noticed a large orange glow on the horizon. As I topped each hill I noticed its intensity growing. I was very curious, what was causing this. As I topped the last hill I could see everything, a burn off flare on a tall tower. It illuminated the surrounding field like a small sun. I could see fences, cows, bushes and trees. As I looked in amazement the Holy Spirit spoke again, "you are not the flame, you are the tower. I am the flame. All you have to do is be the tower."
I have revisited this event in my mind many times over the years and it never fails to inspire me. My only job is to be available. I have learned two invaluable lessons from this experience:
1) God has called me to inspire others, through music, to seek a deeper relationship with Him.
2) It's not easy to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit because it goes against all that I believe about myself.